| Morning temps will hover around negative seven degrees Celsius with a windchill of too much. Expect dumps of a foot or two of stop-and-start fluffy, white stuff, the first when you’re walking to your office and the second when you’re coming home. Around 2 p.m., it should be nice, though—in St. Lucia. |
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The groundhog told us that it would be warm by now—and it will be. In July. On the plus side, you’ll continue to wear your new Persimmon (Sherwin-Williams 2024 Colour of the Year), goose down coat. You know, where you feel hot from the stomach up, and cold from the legs down. This Colour of the Year has some as excited as a nudist in a clothing store, and others say it looks like one of Big Mac’s special sauces. But every spring, a new pastel colour seems to will itself into existence, and this one is reported to evoke feelings of “comfort and joy”. Wait! Isn’t that a line from “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen”? |
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Springtime is when you clean out your social-media accounts, gathering up all your old tweets to donate to charity. The birds are extremely busy in springtime. It’s tax season, and they have got to get their receipts in order. In the springtime, toss cushions change. They go from being scratchy and big to being softer and more medium-sized in 2024 colours: Blue Nova, Thermal, Upward, and Peach Fuzz. And Persimmon. |
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Flowers are essential to any successful springtime decor. Make sure to reserve your plastic flowers early, or else you’ll have to make your own from coloured scrap paper, which is time-consuming and involves negotiating with store clerks. A number of fruits and vegetables are in season somewhere in the world. You will do nothing with this information and you will continue to bake frozen pizzas in your oven, and watch Netflix sitting on your medium-sized Blue Nova toss cushions. |
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Many holidays happen during the springtime, like Easter; Earth Day; Rain Sometimes; It’s Snowing Again; Wow One Almost Warm Day; The Bugs Have Not Returned; and Mother’s Day. Springtime is when you switch all your teas from hot to almost hot. Springtime is when mitts are fifty per cent off, but now you don’t really need mitts everyday. What’s worse is that Lululemon cropped pants, which you may use soon, are full price even though they’re technically only part of a pant. |
| Soon though, the weather will be so comfortable and pleasant on the sunny side of the street, that you will actually feel like you’re indoors? Because you are. It’s too miserable to go out. Forecast: 70% chance of furies on Friday. |
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