| Ordinarily at this time of year, many of you may be looking forward to getting away; a place where you have a side of beach with your morning coffee, happier than a seagull with a French fry. A time best described where “you lie down in the sun with wine and a book, getting up five to seven days later”. But if that isn’t on the market for you right now, I would like to offer you another sort of journey: one of self-congratulations and self-recognition, honouring your life as a REAL ESTATE AGENT: essentially a therapist, confessor, business advisor and risk accessor to all the citizen pilgrims that cross your threshold. Recognizing, and in gratitude for your endless days and nights, here is a sort of career biography citing common and illustrious day-to-day events, encapsulating the trials and tribulations in the life of a real estate agent, but really, I’m just answering the age old question – “What do real estate agents do all day anyway?” Just as there are a myriad of glories to this career, there are inevitably occasions which, with a sigh, you fondly say, “It’s all in a days work”. Number One: Forgetting to bring a chair to your vacant “Open House” as well as a bag of Miss Vickie’s Sweet Chili chips. But on the bright side, this does give you that much needed alone time – to read “100 Places To Visit Before You Die”, drinking cold coffee out of a paper cup and…listening to the chirping smoke detector. |
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Number Two: Selling a property where: there is a large Manet poster over the bed. You know, the one with a naked girl on the bed. It’s famous. the “home office” is really a folding table strewn with papers and an outdated desktop computer. the house is either in need of a good carpenter or a well-placed bolt of lightning. the main bedroom looks like a furniture showroom. the housekeeping style could be best described as – “there appears to have been a struggle”. the neighbour’s front lawn looks like there’s a yard sale. Really, to use theological terms, it is just too frigging much. |
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Number Three: Sending emails with timestamps that make people ask, “when is it you sleep exactly?” |
| Number Four: Finding your socks don’t match when you take off your shoes. Number Five: How to respond when your seller tells you their house is: “cozy”, which really means tiny “prewar”, which really means unrenovated “converted” meaning they installed a fake wall to make an extra bedroom “recently renovated” meaning the house had gone from uninhabitable to unpleasant Number Six: Lowering the radio music when looking for the street address so you can see better. Number Seven: Entering the lockbox code on your microwave after a long day. And even worse, when you thought you were buying organic vegetables, you got home only to discover they’re just regular donuts. |
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Number Eight: The homeowner:wants you to include every little detail about their house in the listing description.insists on you photographing the sides of their house.says their house was made with their bare hands out of reclaimed wood. |
| Number Nine: Hearing yet again, “Yes, I know what all the comps say, but my house is “SPECIAL”,(but in reality, it’s as ordinary as a loaf of bread.) Number Ten: Endeavor not to be irritated by people, even when there is good reason to be. Number Eleven: Wondering what kind of wine goes with oatmeal. Number Twelve: Giving a great big thank you to weekends and evenings for understanding that there is no time for them now that you’re in real estate. Number Thirteen: Thanking your car for being: an office filing cabinet storage unit and occasional dining room, boardroom, and bedroom. |
Oh well, sunsets are probably overrated. |
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