| The thing about travel—it’s not always easy. Most of us skid in like Kramer from Seinfeld, oblivious to our fraught relationship with travel. It has its perils and it has its pitfalls. Sometimes I wonder, looking down the tracks to nowhere familar, where did such breathtaking self-assurance come from? I know, you want an explanation why listening (while uttering something about spelling, punctuation and my tendency to ramble) to any of my travel advice is a good idea, in that I have been living in an unparalleled cosmos of missed turns, surprises, letdowns, failed efforts, “scenic tours”, and wrong destinations for decades, citing many to advise, with great tact and delicacy, to retire my luggage. He who seeks will probably find — something else. You know what they say: with great power, comes great ways to get lost. Long distance flights are the kind we Canadians have to take in order to get anywhere, really. Also, it’s the only way to get away from the snow and zero temperatures to get to pellucid waters — the fulfillment of some dubious romantic dream. I’m always reading about pellucid waters in exotic places, but I’m not quite sure what it means. One more drink and I’ll be pellucid? Travelling is one of the greatest joys in life. The novelty being that you will be not doing what you want to do most at great expense in blistering heat in a foreign country whilst not having any idea where the corkscrew is and this experience will in turn make you wonder: What’s the point of life on earth? |
| Nevertheless, I’m not a fan of minute plans, decisions out of a guidebook, of seeing the same things with the mob, the environmental impact of set-jetting, the selfie culture, hitch hiking on the top of a truck, or conquering unknown lands. A daily itinerary is kryptonite to me. I also require inhibition-melting fortification to travellers whose curiosity about a foreign country is limited to what they can eat or buy. Organizational skills are also commendable, but do you ever really need to pack three flashlights? You know there’s a light on your phone, right? It is also helpful to be able to say things in many languages, like “Hello”, “Lite mayonnaise”, and “What is the Wi-Fi password? Because who doesn’t need to know that Eddie Murphy got married again. He has ten children. I’m just sharing that because that is a lot of children. It is also preferable to not feel compelled to do anything you are uncomfortable doing, like missions to find keys, seashells and blackberries. In that order. Nevertheless, voyeuristic with itchy feet, I prefer to wander around and find what I find, trying to get beneath the surface of a place, to figure out what it’s like to live there. It’s an act of processing the world around me. I seem to gravite to The Road Less Travelled, mainly because nobody else seems to be on it—ever. I am not a traveller who always travels alone, but one who travels in solitude. As they say, discretion is the better part of valour. Yes, there is justification for an escorted tour: economy, security, companionship, someone to handle the customs, language, luggage and meals, but for me, it’s a last resort. Unless it’s North Korea. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, travel’s pleasures are undeniable. To settle for less is a chore. |
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