How wonderful to receive a card, a poem, a paragraph, a letter (or your hammer back) on Valentine’s Day. Each offering tells a little story. A story; a story of how this special person came to be in our lives and why we love them.
Throughout our lives, we tell many stories. We tell them every day. We tell our stories by what we wear, by the places we travel, what we do, what we create, and within the four walls of our home.
What if you were President of your own Personal Academy of Domestic Desire?
“Houses are cluttered with wishes, the invisible furniture on which we keep bruising our shins.” – Rebecca Solnit
A Home for our HEART.
Most of us have dwellings—apartments, houses, condos, lofts, dorm rooms—but often we do not seek to make a Love-ly space where we have a sense of sanctuary, a refuge, or a harbor for our wandering and wondering souls, where life is preserved, protected, and cultivated so that the daily needs of our hearts, bodies, and souls are sanctioned with attentive care.
Going Nowhere
It is only by stepping out of your life and the world, if only for a little while, that you can see what you most care about. Only by stopping movement, can you see where to go. At heart, a simple thing.
Home, after all, is not only the place where you keep your best china, it’s the place where you stand.
How is your heart doing?
Caring for your heart and soul requires a place of refuge and solitude. Where is it in our home or life that we can be in solitude?
Now why would I talk about solitude on a day that celebrates amorous connection?
Because solitude is a way to self-love.
Most of us grew up and live in a culture with an inculcated terror of solitude that instead, has an immensely strong focus on stimulation, engagement, and interaction.
We live in a world that never stops talking, a world where the enemy is silence. A world where busyness is hailed, but it’s really the distraction from living. Aloneness is seldom allowed, condoned, nor given safe practice. The person who chooses aloneness is labeled either mad, bad or sad; feigned as hollow as the hole in the center of a doughnut.
I find it disconcerting that one dare not say, “I want to holiday alone this year”, but that it’s perfectly acceptable to announce, whilst being clapped on the back resoundingly, that you have chosen to solo climb Mount Kilimanjaro, unicycle backwards to Istanbul, or trek the Pacific Coast Trail without a tent. Now, because you are “doing” something alone you are neither sad, mad, or bad, just admired and greatly envied for your boldness, imagination and determination; and at the end, as Henry David Thoreau writes, to “brag as lustily as a chanticleer in the morning, standing on his roost.”
Many of us dream of doing this something, but can’t find anyone else to do it with. The solution is simple, really: do it by yourself, taking a piece of soft cheese wrapped in brown paper as your sole companion.
Solitude is an achievement.
“It is sweet to be silly at the right moment.” – Horace, 65-8 B.C.
So there is solitude, and there is community. Each meet a different need of the heart and soul.
As we get older, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends, and more important to have Real Ones. And I’m not talking about Facebook. Oh, I guess I am.
Life is like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, some show up really late, some don’t bother even showing up, and some don’t even let you know they are not showing up.
In the end after the fun, there are a few who stay to help clean up the mess. And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess. These people are your real friends in life – your tribe. They are the ones who matter most.
So stay in better touch with people who matter to you. Relationships aren’t necessarily measured in miles, but in affection and attention. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. Don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words. Stay in touch with those who matter to you; not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort.
You don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.
By the way, I’m available anytime if you would like to talk – but not now, I want to be alone. I’m going to put on my pyjamas now because I’ve been out of them for over ten hours, and I’m getting nervous about it.
Be present, pay attention,
and send more Love Letters.
This Valentine’s Day, write a letter of love, desire, gratitude, or friendship.
Write a letter to a friend that is traveling and may be homesick.
Compose an apology that will mend the heart.
Write down your best life lessons and leave it in a coffee shop for someone to find.
Script a proposal – a dinner, movie, or a coffee date to someone you haven’t seen in a long while.
Spread some sibling love today. Recall a funny story or a memory from childhood.
Be bold and hand off a love letter to someone you meet in public today; a barista, policeman, waitress, teacher – thanking them for a job well done.
Create closure by scripting a letter to a heartbreak of the past. If you are brave, send it. If not, burn it.
Leave a letter for that special someone to find later in the day.
Dedicate a love letter to yourself, reflecting on your year’s success.
Pen a letter to your parents to let them know of the ways they have shaped you.
Design a romantic bucket list for your partner to keep you two close, even when you are miles apart.
Make a gratitude list for your best friend.
Write a love letter reserved for that one-day, someday someone.
If you feel inclined to send more love letters, you may think about joining up with Hannah Brencher, whose mission is simple – make love famous.
“Self-control is not a problem in the future. It’s only a problem now, when the chocolate is next to us.'”– Shlomo Benartzi
So today and everyday – eat your favorite foods, dance to your favorite music, walk your favorite paths, talk with your favorite person, have coffee in your favorite shop, wear your favorite clothes, read your favorite books.
Work, date, live, create, sing, dream, rest, indulge, and adventure in ways that feel good to you.
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