| I’ve kept a journal for years. I call her Abby. She’s younger than me because everyone is. Solipsistic Abby reports things other people have said about me; my fashion choices which many might say bore an unfortunate resemblance to a mental patients uniform, my abilities that don’t count for much, and of course, my dates over the years. And there have been a lot. Of dates, I mean. Mostly blind and never twice. |
| Some have been known to take a nap. Once sitting together in a tropical garden, the guy told me he could hear the plants screaming. Often guys failed to ask me a single question while I kept the “conversation” aloft by asking them about themsleves. I even saw one guy I was with at a funeral, make substantial eye contact with potential mates. It was just a mess. Too much uncertainty in the system. It’s like they could tell from my skin tone that I ate a very anti-inflammatory diet. |
| You might say I had a very promising past. |
| Flipping through journal entries, there apparently was a time where I was lithe and slender, brimming with intelligence and verve, spewing witticisms like confetti. I have no idea when this decamped, obviously without my express permission. |
| Darling, it’s simply courtesy to others just to give yourself a once-over in the mirror. |
| Nope, I didn’t see it coming. |
| After a late supper of considerable good bourbon, it occured to me that this can t happen to the best of us: a Best Before Date. Like Betamax’s and corsets. Dated. Like some stuff in your home. You bought a coffee table online only to discover it is too small. Your aunt gave you a flowered sofa, promising yourself you will replace it once you found another one. Then you picked up a rug and some pillows to “go with” the flowers in that sofa – an online impulse buy late one night after a couple of glasses of wine while you were stressing over your closing date. Five years later? The sofa and the coffee table are still there. |
| Furniture salesperson: “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.” I said, “Where am I going to find 5 people without any problems?” |
| Say the words “faux finish” three times and you’ll be transported to the early ’90s in a room accented by experimental painting techniques that never quite pulled off the exotic vibe they were hoping for.The association can be harder to shake than having the theme song to “Friends” stuck in your head. |
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| If there’s one thing we learned from watching dandruff shampoo commercials, it’s that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Or say “No” to that flowered sofa. |
So I was just wondering, what does “dated” mean to you? Picked up at 6:30. Dinner at 7. Movie at 9. Then back home for some…oops, wrong “dated”. |
| This furniture store keeps calling me…all I wanted was one night stand. |
| A Break up or Break Through Of course, “outdated” is subjective, but unlike dating, it really doesn’t have to be that complicated.After all, the purpose of a first date is a conscious effort to discover what you like, what you dislike, and the “non-negotiables”, in other words, the best hookup.Everyone has personal mate preferences – whether they leave used dental floss around the house, whether they hate dessert, like dessert, don’t like cats, really like cats, or are covered in Batman tattoos. |
| “In old age we should wish still to have passions strong enough to prevent us turning in on ourselves.” – Simone de Beauvoir |
| But it’s not always about the “dated” stuff; it’s really about how the stuff makes us feel. Being surrounded by shelves laden with collected objects and books, a vintage blanket thrown over the back of the sofa, a oil painting rescued at a garage sale, an old steamer trunk, or whimsical cat wallpaper, can be a powerful type of self-care, joy and healing. (Or just a massive amount of clutter). |
| To Date or Not to Date Everything doesn’t, and shouldn’t, have to be new. Thrift stores, vintage stores, and antique stores are great repositories for unique, inviting and satisfying pieces. Dents, nicks, and scratches add character to a piece, and old mixes beautifully with new. You will be also be doing your earth-part to repurpose/reuse instead of buying new. |
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| Find a New Date |
| My best advice is to incorporate things that you currently own and love into your space. This could be family heirlooms, accessories, art objects picked up in your travels, or any items that make you smile. |
| Scout your home for items you have forgotten about, or move around items that don’t work in the space. Sometimes, that lamp that doesn’t look quite right in the living room is perfect for the entry table. |
| Sometimes, your space doesn’t need a full-blown makeover —it just needs a quick refresh – or a styling expert! |
| That’s all have for today, unless to want to talk about the lines on my face. |
| By the way, when was your perfect date? Mine was May 5, because it wasn’t too hot and it wasn’t too cold. All I needed was a light jacket. |
You are so funny! Thanks for another good read. Makes me feel good about all the things I’ve collected over the years! Including lines in my face haha!
Kind regards,
Susan Hubele