Over the last twenty and counting years, I have been perusing your personal space, leaving no drawer unopened, so I thought it only fair that I released a bit of my personal information, except the delicate contents of my underwear drawer.
This overture may run the gamut of superficial, to deeply personal, to the huge turning points in my private life.
I overheard someone say, while sitting in a bar the other night, that these self-disclosures play a key role in forming strong relationships, boost empathy, build trust, and is a powerful way to handle social media criticism.
Yes, I know there are risks. And it’s not always straightforward. So this will be a brief, personal recollection for the purposes of historical clarity. Not for publication.
| Here it goes. I am not that old and relatively well-adjusted. I used to enjoy watching baseball and other things on television. I like gambling and am extremely wealthy. I enjoy films and music of all kinds. I like many different kinds of food and desserts, including breakfast. I hate the cold and own many warm garments. I like people who are un-complicatedly happy, have a half-baked sense of humour, and don’t use puns in sentences. When my concentration is threatened, I dispense with contractions. And no member of my family is “known” by the police. |
| One may note that If you give a writer enough free time (and confinement), they’re eventually going to go mad and find a way to express themselves questionably. |
| Over the decades wobbly wandering this planet, I have picked up a smattering of invaluable life experiences and non-essential information. I felt it only right to share some of them with you. Again, not that you asked. |
1. When you come to a fork in the road, take it. It might be the one missing from your silverware set.
| 2. Don’t use bleach to get red wine stains off a white wall in your living room. This happened to me the other day and was odd for many reasons, one of them being that the wine in question had been drunk in my bedroom. (This is a coping mechanism I’ve developed after years of being devastatingly single and not having that one person to run to with everything that ails me. That’s what a relationship is for right? Please advise.) |
| 3. Neutrals, from café au lait to camel, create a cozy atmosphere and bring a sense of sanctuary. They diffuse the stresses of the world, offer restoration, balance, and the subversive and consoling joy of not using a colour wheel. |
| 4. The end goal isn’t just to own less stuff. The end goal is to live a satisfied, deep, and more intentional life focused on things that actually matter – like happier employees and gaining more followers on Tooter and Facebrick. |
| 5. Overcoming the pull of carbohydrates consumerism is a difficult challenge regardless of our stage in life. |
| 6. When bored with someone you are with at a restaurant, say: “Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.” Politely excuse yourself. Don’t mention the bathroom is at the gas station, ten miles down the road. |
| 7. As Justice Potter Stewart said of pornography, most of us know poor taste when we see it. |
| 8. Dress up, be charming, and have clean hair. |
9. And no matter what, always wear comfortable pants.
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