| Holiday Greetings! It’s the Christmas Season and I know you are dying to know what exciting things I’ve been up to this year. Having turned down repeated requests for interviews from People magazine and the National Enquirer, I’ve decided to give you, my dear clients, an exclusive. Since it is the holiday season, it seems fitting to mention that I haven’t been invited to a single Christmas party. I only mention this to make you feel guilty in case you had a Christmas party and failed to invite me, because I’ve been free every weekend in December and most weekends in November. Although not generally known for my eagerness to go outside, this year I made a number of driving trips (there may have been a Hop on Hop off in there somewhere), and stayed in an inordinate number of places where there is a healthy fear of getting lice from the blankets. I ate breakfasts, lunches, afternoon snacks, dinners, and late night desserts coupled with a tipple of Sauvignon Blanc on most occasions. During those sojourns, I remember inadvertently sharing some of my deepest secrets to strangers, as well as having to fight off a cow. (By the way, NEVER look into a hotel’s lighted magnified bathroom mirror. It’s scary. Not even God wants to see us that close up.) I have to admit that I chose this year of all years, to have a past-middle-life crisis. Apparently I have been buying clothing that is far too trendy, started leaf-pressing as a hobby, and have been seriously considering designing a line of swimwear for cats. This petit trauma led me to discover the joys of anti-anxiety medication. It is truly a match made in heaven and a relationship I plan on nurturing for the long haul. As many of you know, I’m a great lover of artful tchotchkes, I mean, treasures. So during my travels, I was always on the lookout for any that could potentially unlock the mysteries of my ancestors and match the colour scheme of my living room. Oh, and this year, I finally got those drapes I’ve been wanting. I am, although, happy to announce that I still haven’t had my identity stolen. I did try to auction it off on ebay. A nice gentleman from Grenada contacted me and we have started up a correspondence. He promises to totally change my financial profile. In the meantime, I remain at the same address. In closing, I want to offer you all a hearty thank you for your support and for cleaning my house (if applicable). You have been an important part of my year and you helped me realize that aside from that catastrophic loss and ensuing despondency, the encroaching arthritis in my left elbow, and possible onset of asthma from poplar pollen, this year may prove to be my best year yet. Cheers, Karyn |
My Christmas Letter
December 11, 2019 by
Hi Karyn,
You don’t know me — I’m a friend of Margaret Chandler’s, who put me onto your emails — but I have to tell you how much I enjoy your emails, which are so well-written and sooo funny. They make me laugh out loud. They light up my rubber plant (which functions as my Christmas tree).
Thank you!
Jo Hildebrand
What a great letter You are so talented!
K. Markle
OMG – you crack me up – thank you for that letter.
You take all your “hurdles” in life and turn them into humour!
Patricia