We are in the season of gratitude, and thank goodness for that.
I don’t remember exactly how I got the idea. It could have been from Sarah ban Breathnach, Oprah, Jesus, or the Aga Khan, but all I knew is that I had to do something.
In 2000, I had been forced to be the major breadwinner for my four children and myself, so I picked up my interior design career after a fifteen-year hiatus, while continuing to navigate an ever-escalating mountain of school and sports activities.
Adding to the milieu of soccer balls, badminton rackets, swimsuits, diving towels, gymnastic mats, field and floor hockey sticks, track shoes, rugby cleats, skates, riding pants, basketball uniform, volleyball shorts, both kinds of skis, and dance costumes, there was what was to become, a harrowing and lengthy divorce that rivalled any entry in The Guinness Book of Records.
At the same time, whether it was Blind Luck, Destiny or Divine Intervention, the Land of Bright Ideas found me pioneering a new industry – Home Staging.
And if this wasn’t enough, I once lost my corkscrew and was compelled to live on food and water for several days.
So I began a gratitude journal.
I knew not what else to do. I needed help and there was nowhere, nor no one I could turn to.
Thus every night before bed, I diligently listed five things for which I was grateful.
At the beginning it was difficult. I could only come up with something like, ” I was grateful for…the sun today…or my four girls…or another new client.” Or “the gift of another day.”
Not that these are things you shouldn’t be grateful for, but they were pretty secular and the same things tended to be repeated – a lot.
Sometimes the best thing that happened to me that day was finding the lid to a Tupperware container on the first try.
Or for the first time my hygienist didn’t tell me I needed to floss more.
Or when I finished my laundry and all the socks matched up.
It wasn’t easy, but that’s the point.
“Intentionally bringing into awareness the tiny, previously unnoticed elements of the day.” – Mark Williams
It’s easy to be grateful when things are going well, its definitely more difficult during trials of life, rejection, and failure. But by bringing gratitude to your crosses, is one of the best ways to get through them.
But I have to say it was probably the single most important thing I’ve ever done, and the only thing I can attribute to getting me through some difficult, difficult years and trials. Literally.
Soon, listing things to be grateful for became easier and easier. In fact, I would have to stop myself at 10, then 15.
Then I learned that I needed to be specific and focus on exactly why I was grateful. For example:
Vague: ” I liked meeting Mrs. “X”.”
Specific: “I appreciated her manner, but wonder what I had done to deserve her company and how I might avoid her in the future.”
Yes, you say, keeping a gratitude journal sounds cheesy, too simplistic, too cliché. You say that you’re too busy. It’s a waste of time. That this is for the kind of people who religiously pin 50 photos on Pinterest every day, the kind of people who don’t let their cacti casually die on the windowsill, and the kind that make their own granola with 10 different kinds of organic nuts.
Even if you’re sceptical and think you lack the discipline, do it anyway. Even if it’s only once a week. The trick is what we learned in Finding Nemo – Just keep swimming.
Our lives are strung out between the merely imperfect and the truly awful.
The thing is, people aren’t hardwired to be grateful. Like any school skill worth having, gratitude requires practice. Gratitude is a skill and a habit you can cultivate. Just because it doesn’t come naturally doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
Louisa Jewell, the President of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association says, “In the caveman days, we were always scanning the environment to see if there was an animal lurking. If a berry had made someone ill, an innate negativity bias meant humans could catalogue that information as a means of survival. Negative experiences weigh more on the minds of humans than positive ones, so much so that some psychologists have estimated it takes three good emotions to balance out a single bad one.”
The practice may just save you from defenestration. (The act of hurling someone out of a window.)
Gratitude is like a muscle that you have to keep exercising, taking baby steps to get stronger.
So after a while, I learned to add gratitude as demonstration. I didn’t have much money, but I had time.
I started to make a practice of sending little thank you gifts and cards to each and every person that I worked with or referred me.
Then I added the simple gesture of endeavouring to thank one person a day, whether in person or by email, letter, text, or a phone call.
The only secret is you must mean it. Faking gratitude won’t achieve the benefits.
It also turns out that small things and moments generate more satisfaction and happiness than large ones, but I didn’t know that then.In your gratitude journal, try subtraction, not just addition.
Consider how much better your life with is without something, rather just tallying up the good stuff. Be grateful for all that hasn’t happened — for all those close shaves with “disaster” of some kind or another, all the bad things that almost happened but didn’t.
The distance between them happening and not happening is grace.
The goal of gratitude is to remember a good event, experience, person or thing your life. For example, you could:
- Thank the barista that makes your morning coffee instead of staring at your iPhone and ignoring everyone around you. This doesn’t mean shooting off a perfunctory, “Hey, thanks”. It means a concerted and consistent effort to notice and appreciate what you have been given.
- Say a simple hello to a stranger on the street.
- Be grateful for every drop of water that runs from your faucet. 1.1 billion people have inadequate access to clean water and will never have this experience.
- Stop and really look at the clouds in the sky today. Make note how each cloud is different, the colour, the shape, the many nuances of weather. Open your eyes. Look at that.
Appreciate all the good things flowing to you. From the crunch of autumn leaves, to the azure sky to, yes – October snow.
Gratitude shouldn’t be a once a year kind of thing.
Gratitude can also help us temper our urges for instant gratification. Thinking of the good things in your life as gifts, guards against taking them for granted.
The best thing about gratitude is that when you really feel it, the first thing you want to do is share it.
When we truly understand gratitude, it helps us recognize our link to other people.
“I can live two months on a good complement.” – Mark Twain
But this is only half the story. While the person who receives the compliment enjoys it and feels valued, the giver can also bask in the connection.
But there is a downside to gratitude.
Like:
Loss of pity parties
Inability to stay stuck in a miserable state
Absence of limiting and soul-sucking beliefs
Lack of ability to blame your parents for everything that’s wrong with youYou know you’ve reached the crowning glory of gratitude, when you lay writhing on the floor in pain from food poisoning and say to yourself, “Well, it could be a lot worse. At least it’s not appendicitis.”
No matter how big or small, be thankful and embrace.
Gratitude just may take over your life.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Dear Karen, Just to say … I am grateful for your letters, and enjoy your slant on life. Your ability to find the perfect pic is amazing . Thank you! Marion
Brilliant! Thank you Karyn.
Peter
Hi Karyn,
Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.
Thanks for the tickler about the gratitude journal. I haven’t thought about it for years, but it’s a really good idea. I will start tonight with “I am grateful that Karyn sent me the email about gratitude”. Ann
. . . and as to your last comment – so am I!
The Best Gift of the Day ( . .so far:)!
Happy Thanksgiving! – Sharon
Hi Karyn: You’re blogs are incredibly good. You are a very gifted writer (the quirky sense of humour helps too. A lot.)
Happy Thanksgiving (maybe we should start calling it Gratitude Weekend) – Bob
HI Karyn
Just wanted to say “THANKS” for keeping me on your mailing list. You may not remember me – but you helped stage my townhouse back in 2007 –
And you provided staging advice for my sister Jane in Okotoks a couple of years ago.
I now live in Nanoose Bay on Vancouver island – a dream come true (for which I am grateful EVERY DAY)
I LOVE your philosophical cyber musings and pass them on to my friends who also appreciate the opportunity to consider the finer points in life and how to make the highest and best use of our time and place in the world :0
KEEP UP the INSPIRING work!!
Thank YOU.
Cathy
hi Karyn, thank you for the lovely letter, it encouraged me, and I am thankful for that! Angie
Thankyou for sharing. Very nicely done. Have a thanksgiving Blessed by God who is worthy of all thanks. – Ed
Read and enjoyed!
Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving.
Warm Regards,
Bev
Hello Karyn,
Thank you for this. I want to let you know that I really appreciate and enjoy your insights.
They always give me pause for reflection. Your photos remind me of places I have been, and
want to go….similar bucket lists!
Gratitude is often lacking in our lives; for the ‘little’ things in particular. I often get caught in my
busyness and need reminding (like your messages) to take a breath and appreciate.
Best wishes,
Janice
Hi Karyn,
I was a client back in the day. And while I regret that I haven’t been since.
I am very grateful for your pithy and heart warming emails and that you keep
me on your email list!
This one is especially good. You should be grateful too that you are a
talented writer as well.
A warm and cozy Thanksgiving to you and yours,
Kathleen
Okay. The lovely blue leather journal
just took a turn for the better.
I’ll start afresh.
Love to you and yours dear Karyn.
Glad to know you and it was my privelge
witnessing the adorable Elliott’s move forward
Thank you for what you did with and U.S.
Mj et al
Excellent, newsletter Karen, I am very grateful to be receiving them and enjoy your writing talent, they are lovely little bits of inspiration we should all follow.
I will pass your letter along to a few of my friends and keep the good vibes going.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Shirley
Wow! Made my day, thank you 🙂
Wendy
Thank you Karen . Well written. Happy Thanksgiving
Claudette
great blog as usual Karyn dear! – Becky
Thank you, Karyn, for that reminder on being grateful. I usually give my gratitude to my Heavenly Father, instead of in a journal, but I think it’s similar enough to make a difference in one’s life. I love your suggestions on what to be grateful for and how to show gratitude to other people. My prayer tonight will be a bit more thoughtful. Thank you!
Amanda
Hi Karyn
Thanks for the great reminders. I have been doing a gratefulness practice for years, and it has changed my life too. I do mine out loud, first thing in the morning. I also include what I need/want for the day, and a few people that I want to send good energy too. It reminds me to think about others.
I am grateful for your regular newsletter because it gives me both new information, and an out loud laugh every time.
Thank you.
Chris
Happy thanksgiving. We’ll be in contact soon about remaining lighting. Take care, Marilyn
Thanks Karyn for the email, I’m grateful to be on your list:) Happy Thanksgiving!
Sandy
Thank you for sharing your writing on gratitude.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
Love,
Alison
And I’m grateful you sent it to me on a very long day at work and it will be the last thing I’ll read before going home.
Hallelujah.
Thank you Karyn!
Happy thanksgiving to you,
MW
Karyn, thank you for a wonderful newsletter!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Regards, Anastasia
Happy Thanksgiving Karyn!
And I did read to the end. It was a great read. Thanks for sharing.
Carollyne
Thanks for that, Karyn!
I hope you have an awesome day!
Wes
HI Karyn,
Just a quick note to tell you how much I enjoyed this last message from you. Thanks for helping me keep it real and for brightening my day!!!!
Louise
I love your wise messages, humour and fantastic pictures.
Thanks for including me in your list.
Teeya