| So…last week we talked about weird phobias. Well, I mentioned one of them in a sentence. And I have been thinking about them ever since and I found one I would really like to talk about – arachibutyrophobia: the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your… Wait, that’s not the one. It’s ataxophobia. Ataxophobia: the fear of disorder or untidiness. Well, I’m close. |
It reminded me of my first staging job back in 1902, which actually turned out to be a de-cluttering job lasting six months as the client could only emotionally handle working two mornings a week – a job more akin to the ascent over the Annapurna. Her house was hopelessly chaotic. Doors wouldn’t fully open as they struck Mount Fuji-sized piles of stuff. There was an oddly appealing collection of framed cross-stitch samplers hanging on the wall along with pictures of possibly dead family members, boxes of journals that went back to when she was seven, ten years of mismatched socks, and an extremely ugly and kitschy collection of unmentionable wearables, shapes and straps in places you’ve never seen (and I’m assuming here), mostly because her chest development plateaued shortly after it started. It was a wasteland of shrapnel. Stuff had glaciered onto the back deck – and the garage stored stuff, not cars. I also knew how much she had paid for toilet paper since 1970, because the receipts were in a shoebox – among many, many other shoeboxes. |
| She dreamt of a finely curated house, an expanse of empty shelves – and her, all dressed in white. |
| “My dream is to organize the world.” |
| “You must begin by discarding.” |
| Now if you are one camera crew away from being a hoarder, or just want a happier, tidier life, the kawaii guru says that the first step is to put everything in a pile. I know – you’re way ahead of me. Then you ask yourself, “Does this item represent the other 27 mismatched reindeer mugs (for example) in my cupboards?” Thirdly, you hold each item and ask if it brings you joy. If it doesn’t, release it. (Kneeling optional. Hail and Farewell not optional.)…I don’t know, maybe 17 pairs of pilled, black leggings really do spark joy. Cause I really don’t know you that well. Note: If other issues crop up as you are setting items free, consider tackling those with a therapist. Besides, if you throw out everything that has little purpose, you might find yourself out on the street waiting for the trash collector. Hmmm…would it be crude to only hang around people that brought me joy? Or that when you hold a bad boyfriend in your hand, realize he no longer sparks joy and dispose accordingly. Fourth. Only keep 30 books. WHAT?? |
Fifth. Own “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing”, like the 3 million other people on this earth. Unless they have discarded it because it didn’t bring them joy. Now I think de-cluttering is mostly just plain horse sense. Here is the Kon-Karyn Method: If it’s messy, clean it up. Redirect stuff that you don’t need or use and all expired gum. Keep things if you really like them, especially interesting sugar packets from German cafes. “I might need it Someday” doesn’t cut it. Use up all free makeup samples. Better yet, don’t take them. No one needs a peanut butter making machine. Especially if they are arachibutyrophiacs. There is only 1 way to pronounce “detritus”. Dispose of a body correctly so that it can’t be found again. Things don’t belong in a giant pile on the floor. No one will ever need a Nokia n95 cable that connects to a fax machine. How can you access your self worth if you can’t point to a particular object that someone gave you and say, “They love me this much!” The easiest way to have a clean house is not to own a house in the first place. Dust. Maybe. “People cannot change their tidying habits without first changing their way of thinking.” Can I get a ‘Hallelu’ here? We are a culture of ‘buying more than we need’, valuing quantity over quality, pressured to buy more and more, believing in the false illusion of happiness through material possessions. And we end up buying into a growing set of storage solutions that ultimately doesn’t resolve the initial problem of “too much”. We need to whittle down our possessions to the essentials, like vegetables and electricity bills. It’s not deciding what items to get rid of, as much as deciding which items to keep – this, against all our natural instinct. We need to evaluate our choices in a more meaningful way at the outset, not later. You get what you pay for – it’s a valid maxim. If you want something that lasts, wait until you can afford better rather than compromising with a cheap knock-off. No doubt this is not easy and not always practical as “hindsight is 20/20”, therefore we need to accept that some things will be mistakes. If we can confront and control the overwhelming abundance in our lives, and live more consciously with less, it’s hard to go wrong. When we have less, we appreciate more. It really is the altering of values. |
But really, the purging approach goes beyond the sift and toss. It really is about appreciating our objects, clothes, furniture, pea green shag carpeting…the things that we love. In the end, stuff and decor need not be expensive, just genuine.
And then again, maybe and sometimes, what we should really do, is take our possessions, hold them in our hands, thank them for all they have given us, and put them right back where they were.
Even Ghandi said that as long as you derive inner comfort from anything, you should keep it.
Do you think he meant even pink flamingos?
| So keep your 31st book. Just don’t let Marie find out. |
| Period. End of Sentence. In homage to the film winning an Oscar on Sunday night for Best Documentary Short, a film about women in a rural village outside of Delhi leading a revolution against the taboo surrounding menstruation. Watch on Netflix before or after Tidying Up. |
Dear Karyn,
Thanks for a lovely rumination on what to do with “too much stuff” while not feeling bad about yourself.
And thanks for the call out to Period. End of Sentence. That was a really cool moment to watch!
Best, Laura
This one really hit home with me as you may remember. I remember hanging on(literally)to one wisk stating that I really needed it -along with the other 10 in the drawer!
If it wasn’t for you my whole condo would look like that first picture +++.
You were much better than medication and more effective as well
Thanks for the memories
Cheryl
Yes, kudos to Kondo. I particularly like folding clothing sideways. Though I think it is too much to ask my clothes to “spark joy.” And I’m not necessarily thankful to the items I toss.
I really like the KonKaryn method, too! – Lyn
Ha. I LOVE this. Yes the book did not bring me joy. TOSS. Great piece Karyn, love your perspectives. Thank you.