I don’t sing in the shower. I perform.

January 25, 2021 by
Ah, the shower…that hard tile resonance chamber that sends spasms of bravado into a splashing sense of rhythm, of perfect pitch, of imagining being in front of Adam, Blake or Simon slaying an Adele ballad, golden confetti raining down on your winning performance –  cause you know you sound good.Yes, I am a “shower singer”, welding a ratty hair brush instead of microphone.

The Family knows that the door to the bathroom must be closed when I am in the shower. The interesting thing about it: I think I sound wonderful. It seems that my shower stall yeilds an excellent tone of voice. If I could just move the shower stall to the choir loft, I’d never lack for a perfect alto section.

Unfortunately, out of the shower, the fact that I’m partially deaf in one ear, have no real training in music, and a voice that is remarkable for the fact that is sounds like none other – all combine to make choirs everywhere grateful that I’ve never darkened their loft. Or at least they should be.

(For all you sceptics, it is common industry knowledge that “Weird Al” recorded his first hit single, “My Bologna,” in the bathroom.)

I would also like to point out that according to HealthCanada.com, singing burns 136 calories per hour. So the next time someone knocks on the bathroom door and asks if you can keep it down with your singing, let them know you’re not doing it to irritate them; you’re singing for your health.

Now, according to a recent Romanian survey, not only has it been discovered that 1 in 5 believe that are talented enough to win “AGT”, but they also found that the biggest thinkers amongst us spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom – it is THE place that they come up with their best ideas and productive thoughts.They calculate that the average person spends 22 or 45 minutes in the bathroom every day (depending on which other survey you read), which equates to just under 350 or 529 days (depending on which other survey you read), across the average lifetime of 81 years. When you think of it that way, it’s no real surprise that it seems to be the location for many a brainwave.

Now if you think that is amazing, contrast that with the time spent searching for lost possessions which take about 10 minutes a day, adding up to 2.5 days a year. These 2.5 days/year make 118 days in your lifetime looking for lost possessions. That’s 1/3 of a year just roaming around, searching.  

And most of those things are probably in your bathroom – somewhere.In my own recent off-the-cuff, but exclusive survey, I expanded the findings to discover that more than 95% of the respondents say that having a great bathroom is the “key” to their overall happiness. 

On top of that, 81% of respondents who have recently renovated their bathroom say that it has tangibly improved their happiness by 79.5%.

 It’s not easy being small.

Now if your present bathroom is giving you an AAAARGH! feeling, and more so if you have a smallish bathroom that is driving you to drink more than normal, this post is definitely for you.Every bathroom has to satisfy certain needs, and therefore must include the basics: sink and taps, shower or bathing area, and toilet. No matter how small the space, these things have to be shoved in there.Oh, and of course, a sunken soaker tub, heated towel racks, bar fridge, roaring fireplace, decorative ceramic urns, a hanging TV, bonsai trees, backlit mirrors, bamboo lotion dispensers, art mural, copper ventilated laundry basket, an extra sink for the Mrs., heated floors, upholstered velvet vanity stool, crystal chandelier, a trash can for recyclables, and all overlooking a courtyard and adjacent to a dressing room.

And so I say:

There are a myriad of tried and true ways for making a small bathroom not only look better and bigger, but have more storage.  

10 INSIDER TIPS: USE FOR PERSONAL PROFIT IS WELCOMED

1. Keep everything light and bright in the same tone, colour and value, as to not chop up the space visually. i.e. when the tile colour matches the wall colour, it visually doubles the space. Bring in interest and texture by using the same tile in different shapes and sizes.

Believe it or not, big tiles make a small bathroom feel larger.

2.  Take the shower tile up to the ceiling. It always amazes me how builders will stop tile one foot below the ceiling, trimming out the edge of the tile with bullnose edges. That probably costs more money than installing tile all the way up to the ceiling.

Fewer transitions + less contrast = more expansive feel.  
3. Use clear glass in your shower. Textured glass can make a space feel like it has an extra wall. You can get light in and have some privacy, but it will be a visual barrier.

 4. Go BIG on mirrors. Ideally, install mirror from side wall to side wall, and backsplash to ceiling behind the sink. You’ve just enlarged your room tenfold without moving a wall!  

This helps the ceiling look higher while visually expanding the square footage.

Installing sconces in the vanity mirror instead of in the wall on either side of the mirror, will bounce light around the room, doubling the amount of available light.
5. Recess a medicine chest and shampoo niche into the wall. You can also bury a linen cabinet into the wall, adding more storage. 

It’s amazing what an extra four inches will get you! And make it full height.
6. Use walls hooks instead of a towel bar.
7. Install matching floor tile baseboard instead of a wood baseboard. It creates cohesion with the rest of the room, gives a lux look, and is practical, given splashing water. 
8. Install tile seamlessly from the shower to behind the toilet, lining up to becoming part of the backsplash behind the vanity.
9. Mount a towel bar on the shower door. When space is at a minimum, mounting a towel bar on the shower door keeps towels handy. You might need to store the bulk of your towels in a nearby linen closet, but having that one towel close by to dry off with, is essential.
10. Float the vanity cabinet 8 inches off the floor, visually making the bathroom appear bigger, without sacrificing much storage space.

Alternatively, consider using cabinetry 16 or 18 inches deep, instead of the usual 22 inches to maximize space.

 I would now like to thank The Metro Calgary Water Services Department and my partner, whose patience allowed for practical testing of the theories discussed in this article.
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