| When I was seven, I told my mother I wanted to be a Russian spy when I grew up. She said that it would be difficult as I wasn’t Russian. I thought that was just splitting hairs. I still think I would be a fantastic spy, but my friends say I’d be totally bad at it, as I am always mistakenly recognizing people I’ve never met.Apparently, there are a couple of other requirements to being a Russian spy, such as being brave and fluent in foreign languages. Well, I know English…Later, mitigating my disappointment at not being able to be a spy, I tried channelling Sherlock Holmes, where I wandered around town studying people intensely and memorizing details, all of which was of no avail, because I solved zero crimes. So I gave that up, opting for a more perspicacious andlucrative gig – helping people let go of stuff. Actually, it’s more like sticking a multitude of bright Post-it notes on stuff that needs to go before I can hang their art. Again – splitting hairs. As Scott Galloway said, it’s best to become good at something that other people will pay you for. Believe me, I lay awake at night thinking about this. |
| To let go is not to lose, but to gain. – Fumio Sasaki |
| Letting go can be really hard, even scary. In the 107+ years that I’ve been on this earth, I’ve had to let go of many things I thought I needed in order to survive, except a large flagon of whiskey that I carry in case of snake bite. (And I always carry a small snake.) Other than that, I have managed to survive quite nicely. So why do we have such a hard time letting go of our stuff? Scientists and interior decorators cite many creative excuses, I mean, hurdles.We could blame it on the “Endowment Effect”, the tendency to overvalue the things we own, which would explain why we have such hard time letting go of our high school yearbooks and that Mexican sombrero. It also could be tied to our sense of self-worth. It is often the items that fuel our self-worth that wehold onto the longest. Instead of viewing objects as “mine,” we think of them as “me.” We all measure our self-worth differently. Some may link their self-worth to physical appearance, and have a hard time letting go of clothes that people stopped wearing at the end of the second world war. Some value other people’s approval, hanging onto items that they perceive raise them in esteem. Some place a lot of value on success and may have difficulty letting go of their bowling trophies. Others value relationships more and have trouble throwing away gifts, feeling they prove they are meaningful to others. If we try hard enough, we can probably convince ourself to keep just about anything. I don’t want to hurt so and so’s feelings… I don’t want to seem ungrateful… I don’t have time… I’m too tired… I’ll find the missing parts and fix it… I’ll sell them on eBay… I won’t have enough if I give it away… I might need it…just in case. |
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Take the “Just in Case” hurdle. This stems from a poverty mentality or mindset of lack. Is it realistic that the “just in case” will ever happen? Is is possible that you could borrow the item if you ever need it? Rent it? Make do without it? Has this ever happened to you before? How likely is it that you’ll really need it in the future? Often when the time (if ever), comes to use it, you either forgot you have it, or you can’t find it among all the stuff. MORE HURDLES 101 “But I can still use it!” Yes, even though the dried parsley tastes like grass and you have enough make-up to paint a small yacht. Most everything has an expiration date, especially sky blue polyester leisure suits. “It’s perfectly good!” Just because something is still “perfectly good”, doesn’t mean it’s perfectly good for you. “I may need it.” There’s a difference between needing something, and “possibly” needing something. When was the last time you consulted the instruction manual for your lawnmower? Or the bundt pan that comes out once a year to ruin a perfectly good cake. “It was a gift.” The purpose of a gift is to show love from the person giving the gift to the person receiving it (except maybe that framed photo of your aunt’s cat). Now the gift belongs to you, and it’s up to you what you do with it. “My children may want it.” Times and lifestyles have changed, so don’t take it personally. Younger people typically don’t have the time or inclination to polish silver, hand wash china, or iron linens. Nor do they want a souvenir spoon collection, photo albums of people they don’t know, or heavy dark wood furniture. Can you imagine a millennial wanting an atavistic oak hutch filled with teacups with flowers painted on them? “It still fits.” Just because it fits, doesn’t mean that it actually fits. Like the fuchsia bridesmaid dress from your cousin’s first wedding that has been in your closet four times longer than the length of her marriage. I will also bet that you have yet to be invited to an event at which a fuchsia dress with taffeta bows might seem appropriate. |
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“I feel guilty giving it away.” One of my clients inherited a collection of 27 rusty knives, a warped cookie sheet, and a copper bracelet from her grandmother’s estate. She kept all of these for over twenty years. Eventually she realized that if her grandmother were alive, she would have long replaced the cookie sheet and knife set, as well as been mortified that she had passed on such accruements. “I will use it one day.” Sometimes when we say goodbye to an item, we’re also saying goodbye to the high hope that that item represents for us: the boxes full of fabric because someday we’ll make quilts, the stacks of cooking magazines because we’ll start gourmet cooking any day now, an acoustic guitar because one day we’ll take some lessons, and the too-small jeans because we are going to lose 15 pounds. “It was so expensive!” The pricey takes-up-a-lot-of-room blender, the panini maker you bought 11 years ago that has barely seen the light of day, the lambswool coat that is a bad colour on you, the leather sofa too big for the room. Just because you spent a lot of money on it, doesn’t mean it still has that same dollar value – or worth the space it takes up. Remember what George Carlin said – nothing over 6 feet ever comes back. |
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One size does not fit all. Give yourself grace to be comfortable with the amount of “stuff” you have in your home. Everybody’s result will look different, but the end goal is the same: a home that feels cozy and welcoming to you where you can easily find and use all of your items, and where you aren’t feeling bogged down by the amount of “stuff” around you. Find your size. You’ll feel it when it fits. Unless it doesn’t. |
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