Awkward silences and other inopportune moments

January 29, 2018 by
Fran Lebowitz said that the opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. For most of us, this is somewhere on the scale next to skydiving or attending someone else’s child’s recital. She also said that there is no such thing as advice to the lovelorn, because if they took advice, they wouldn’t be lovelorn. Wise woman. 
 
There is a practice Australians call dadirrI. This is a type of deep listening: a listening in quiet and stillness that borders on the contemplative, letting your soul catch up with your body. 
Given we no longer have formal rites of passage in our cultures, we need this stillness of contemplation to change us. After all, nothing is happening but the next breath.
 
 
We must go out and rally ourselves to Nature every day. We must make root, send out some little fibre at least, even every winter day.  – Henry David Thoreau
Going nowhere, as Leonard Cohen described it, was the grand adventure that makes sense of everywhere else. It is also a way of falling in love with the world over and over.Finding these moments of interstices or a half hour walk in nature can change the nature of all the other hours.        We Western world adults say that we don’t have time to be still, we aren’t good at it, it’s not for us. But that my dear, is precisely why meditation and stillness is called a practice. Like any skill, we must take the time and practice to be good at it.

While many would term boring, Bertrand Russell would call “fruitful monotony” and essential for happiness.

A generation that cannot endure boredom will be a generation of little men…of men in whom every vital impulse slowly withers, as though they were cut flowers in a vase.  – Bertrand Russell
There is, in fact, such a thing as going to a place, and not actually being there. 
 
Incidentally, it may horrify you to know that contrary to popular opinion and the multitude of over-exposed photos on Facebook, hardly anyone cares about what you are doing, how you perfectly iced those mint chocolate-chip cupcakes, or where you are spending your holidays this year.
 
And there is no point getting tetchy about how your table-mate holds their knife and fork, or being worried that the delivery people left a small scratch on your new coffee table, or that hatchet-throwing will become an Olympic sport. None of this is of any importance against the enormity of the places of nature.
You are here now. Everything passes.
 

Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. – Simone Weil
We can also practice dadirrI by listening to another: not hurrying, remembering that there is nothing more important than what you are attending to. Dadirri listening is non-judgemental, accepting, and whole-hearted. It is about waiting and not asking questions.
I know. I know. For most of us in this addictive age of hyper screen time where every minute 4,166,667 people are “liking“ a Facebook post, thinking about being still makes you as nervous as a bushy tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
 
I duly recognize the fact that this is coming from someone who’s adage is ~“If everyone would listen to me, they would always be right.“, and who owns a coffee cup that says, “Everyone is entitled to my opinion.”    And yes, it matters immensely that the chairs are arranged symmetrically around a table; that napkins need to match the placemats; that no intelligent person could think you only use a chopping board to cut a loaf of bread; and that clearly, it is quite acceptable to visit five art galleries on a holiday.
Wonder makes a wonderful life. 
Whatever we need to do to bring us to stillness every day, this sacrament of pause ~ walking, painting, journaling, needlework, listening to music, watching clouds ~ this is the thing we must do.  You want to get in the habit of pausing when something beautiful and good catches your attention ~ the sound of rain, a glorious sunset, a child’s smile, a porcelain tea cup, a kindness bestowed, a fridge stocked with kale…  

Pause, then totally immerse in the experience of savoring it.   

Well, maybe not the kale.
 
As Anne Lamont quips, almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes…including you. 
 
Pentimento. A way of seeing and then seeing again. 
It may be, said the French moralist Joseph de Maistre, that the key lies in not to seek out what is actually new, but to bring a fresh mindset to what we already know but have forgotten to notice. We can cultivate the habit and awareness to see things (and people) anew as if we had never laid eyes on them before, so that their worth and beauty can again become apparent to us.I would although, caution you not to spend an evening perusing your high school yearbook. This item does not fit into either category.
What we do need is people whose attention is not caught up in the trends of the moment and who are not looking in the same direction as everyone else. We need people who are paying attention and scanning the less familiar parts of the world, if only in their own backyard or living room.  
 
This may be the moment where you are tempted to tell me about how the Instapot has changed your life, but I will confess that I am skeptical of the Instapot. It can probably cook rice in under six minutes and defrost an entire turkey in a single bound, but I’m clearly not an early adopter of cooking technology because my main concern is that it’s going to make my kitchen smell funny. Let’s treat the phenomenon of not being interested with cautious respect.
I’ve been wondering how I could make the leap from Instapots to interiors. It’s now quite obvious that I’m not entirely successful.For all of us on Earth School, “Done” is not the goal. Like Not Done Ever.      We, and our home, should be able to accommodate things without messing up some grand scheme. Like, “Should I put matching frames on my pictures?” “Should I buy a loveseat instead of two occasional chairs?” “Should I take sword fighting lessons?” “Where do I put the new baby?” 

Once in a while we should take a look at the whole picture ~ our past and our present. We need to contemplate what we have learned from our mistakes and what gift we have gained?

And by the way, don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Speaking of pictures and still on the topic of stillness, Everything You Want To Know About Hanging Pictures But Were Afraid to Ask, is as follows. Yes, another great leap across the narrow chasm.Picture hanging has dramatically changed over the past few years. Now almost anything goes. As long as it works. Where we used to hang art gallery style within an inch of its life (most pictures lined up), now it is rare to hang art like this, and not as interesting.

Where once the two-thirds rule was gospel, now we oversize by having a large piece use up most of the wall  ~ or float a small piece on a large wall. As long as it works.
 
Everything Does Not Need To MatchIt is much more interesting if you don’t mix and match. In fact, I always try to display a few disparate items with the art, especially if you are doing a gallery wall or area: i.e. a key, a mask, a wooden letter or plaque. A gallery wall is chic when done well, but very easy to mess up.To achieve a coherent result, keep the language of picture frames similar. For example, an oil painting in a antique wood frame with black-and-white prints in wood gallery frames.
 
Everything Does Not Needs to be Symmetrical While it might be tempting, sometimes the opposite is what ends up looking best. Hang a smaller frame off-center from where you think it should be, or hang various pieces at slightly different heights to give it a more dynamic feel.
 
Dealing with a Large Wall It is tempting to want to do a gallery wall on a large wall, but don’t be afraid of large-scale art. Although a gallery wall is personal and gives you an opportunity to hang all those small pieces of art hiding under your bed, large-scale art can be a wise investment. Not only is it a focal point, but it adds incredible drama to a room. 
 
Hang Art In Unexpected Places    It’s common to hang art above a bed, sofa, and mantel, but think about hanging art in unexpected places like a powder room, the end of a long hallway, above a doorway, the inside of a stairwell, or the wall at the top or bottom of a stairwell. It is like a small surprise waiting every time you turn a corner.
 
Frame Art Professionally     Without a doubt, the best trick for elevating your art and making it look more expensive is custom framing. As for the mats, the days of forest green, navy, burgundy and dusty rose is over. A good framer is paramount in helping you choose the perfect frame and matting
 
And by the way, don’t buy art to match your walls. Buy art because you love it.
Filed Under: Blog

Falling into the Present

October 17, 2017 by
 
 

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.                                                                           – Ecclesiastes 3 and Pete Seeger
Fall is pressing upon us. it is a season of dropping off and falling away, shedding and letting go.  I ponder this strata of desquamation. I look out my kitchen window and watch as golden curled leaves rain down bereft of even a wind puff, surrendering freely. The garden is withering to shades of drabness. Stalks shrivel and droop, giving themselves up to a job well done.    No matter our casualness, we feel the shift. 
A reminder that nothing lasts forever.
 
 
Autumn is  a time for moulting, for emptying.  It’s not a giving up, resignation, or lowering your standards, but a surrender to what is.

It’s a time when we look at the garden inside ourselves and tear or thin out everything that is not worthy of taking space in our heart.

It’s a time where we need to shuck off our old skins, drop them and walk away until they are unrecognizable.
 
There is a story told in Africa and India about how to catch a monkey. First they hollow out one end of a coconut and drop in a banana. Before long a monkey comes by, sees the banana, reaches his hand into the coconut, and grabs it. The monkey then discovers that he can’t get his hand out while holding onto the banana. The natives then pull a string attached to the other end of the coconut and capture the monkey. Motivational speakers often use this story to inspire people to “let go” of their old perceptions, habits and thoughts, since in truth, the monkey was never trapped.   All the monkey had to do was to let go of the banana.
 
One of the biggest sources of our malcontent is not being able to let go. Instead, we hang onto things, jobs, relationships, and 70’s caftans because things don’t look as we want them to.  
 
Sometimes we can be like the hermit crab. There comes a day when the crab outgrows its shell. Then comes the risky moment called the moult when the crab is in between shells. Now the crab has two choices. One, to find a new shell or two, slip back into its old one because the new one is uncomfortable.
 
It really is about letting go of the out-lived – the parts that you loved and the parts that were painful, hopefully turning chaos into cadence.
Trying to keep everything the same is like trying to tell the leaves not to fall from the trees in autumn.  I’m not necessarily thinking of old shoes, but simple things like bitterness, resentment, and the poison of unforgiveness. 
Letting go is essential. But it’s not always easy. Letting go takes work and requires us to do some serious introspection about what’s “True”, and what we’re actually attached to. There is a difference between the facts of a person and the truth of them. This something that has baffled scientists to no end.  

However arduous it might be, it’s often a good idea to be honest with oneself. You do not want to sit by people at dinner that will not admit this.
Life never promised to keep us safe.It wasn’t designed that way and they don’t hand out manuals for the tough stuff.Life, however, does continue to hand us opportunities to become who we really are, to understand ourselves on a deeper level, and to experience the full breadth of human emotion. 
 
 
 

And the end of all of our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.                                                                                        – T.S. Eliot  
Things come and go, nothing stays the same, and we can’t control most of the things we’d like to. 
Everything we love – places, possessions, and people – can, and very likely will, be eventually taken from us. Possibly the greatest gift we can give someone is that of detachment. 

Attachment, even if we think it is selfless, lays some burden on the other person. When we think we are giving, we may actually be at the very least, asking for attention – another paradox of life. When we think we have nothing, there is always something. When something is taken away, there is always some permanence to be grateful for – friends, family, life-teachers, The Maldives, and dust mites. 

What they leave in our soul is the only permanence we’ll ever know.

Except for dust mites. They stay under our couch.
 
Grace comes, but you don’t get to say when or how. Grace can be a wound that opens the beauty in us, a wound that lets light in through the heart-cracks. It’s the beauty of imperfection, of things that show their age and use. Scratches. Chips. Wrinkles.   
 
 
Our home should be an honest reflection of ourselves that include family photos, items from our travels, and objects that have meaning for us. Because we all want such different things, we will all be pulled towards very different kinds of objects.  The key is to let go of the extraneous, the worn, the out-dated, the redundant, and the meaningless, with rapturous rigour and devotion. 

Do you need six throw pillows on your sofa, or do 3 create just as much of an impact?

Do you need your collection of magazines from the past 7 years, or do 4 coffee table books achieve the same goal?

Do you really need 22 black teeshirts, or will 6 do?

Beer glasses? Spatulas? Jars of copper polish?
 

Today, make a commitment to drop a banana.

There has never been a more selfless selfish act.
 
Filed Under: Blog

The Road More Travelled

August 1, 2017 by
 
 
I learned to watch, to put my trust in other hands than mine. And I learned to wander. I learned what every dreaming child needs to know – that no horizon is so far that you cannot get above it or beyond it.  –  Beryl Markham
Remember when you used to be curious? Wondered about things, imagined, asked questions? To think that, you know, this could be the best day ever. Or worry that you are wrong about what you are almost positive about.          I think that pretty much sums it up for most of us. We’re all a mixed grill of happy anticipation and dread.

And then comes a day when, without warning, the open road beckons.

To just go, not knowing where or for how long.
Sometimes there’s nowhere to go, but on that road.          Sometimes you don’t have anywhere to go, if it’s not on that road.
        Boredom and complacency have this horrible inertia, which means that once they hit, it’s easy to get stuck…for a long time. And you can’t chart a course around anything that you’re afraid of. You can’t run from any part of yourself, and it’s better that you can’t.
       Which is why I decided on South Dakota. My ambition knows no bounds. So I surrendered to getting lost, as a voyage should take you further than your destination. Or as they say in Maine – you can’t get there from here. 
I succumb to the philosophy that adventure is one of the five necessities of the truly civilized, next after truth and beauty, ahead of art and peace.      
 

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes – including you.                                                                   – Anne Lamont 
Travelling, a real journey – not a typical holiday, cruise, trek or business obligation – is an entirely different way of knowing.            It can be an intimate relationship. It can be a dark journey.  It can find new paths. But it is almost always, discovery.
        While we are journeying, the mind is no longer on guard. We aren’t supposed to be doing much inside our heads. We are mainly occupied with staying on our side of the road, and keeping our coffee cup upright.

Journeying lets us think freely and wildly with themes we’d lost touch with: childhood, a recent dream, a friend we haven’t seen for years, a hobby, why chocolate with 75 percent cacao is not actually a food, and whether we should buy an electronic wine breather.

We often arrive back subtly different: slightly more complete, serene, visionary. Maybe even more of a courageous and imaginative version of the person we knew how to be. 

But what is truly astonishing is that really, no one has missed us. Or even noticed that we had gone.
        The demise of one’s tenancies towards self-aggrandizement is a quiet, private, and sober moment of reckoning, for subtle feelings of imperfection. You may have to make peace with the fact that some of the best people in your life are fallible, unreasonable – and downright annoying.
Befuddlement is our greatest asset, the only feature distinguishing us from squirrels. 
We need certain things. Clandestine thoughts. Finding answers without needing to know why. Getting rid of the impression that we are indispensable. Not taking anything for granted. Gratitude.
 
   Now if we add contemplation with our journey, then Yea, this is what can truly change us. 
This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation. At first you may find nothing happens. But if you keep at it, something eventually will.        

Silence and aloneness are not luxuries, they are essential.  

We aren’t put on this earth to rise above life. We are here to walk through the muck, learning our lessons by going through intense life experiences, not skipping over them.
   It’s somewhat like constantly clearing out and rearranging your living room. It’s as much about getting rid of all the furniture and trinkets that no longer serve you, as bringing in new pieces.
Daniel Gilbert’s famous aphorism cites that “human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished.”
Which is why I usually prefer the comfort of a beach chair and a good book. Preferably by the beach.     

By the way, there is also a 97% chance of getting eaten while sitting at the water’s edge in a beach chair munching on Cheetos. That’s just a scientific fact. 
 
   So I climbed into my car, plugged my iPod in AUX, and pressed “Shuffle” to listen to whatever music came up. 

After a while I realized that kept having to skip past all the Christmas songs. So many Christmas songs. Which is when I discovered I hadn’t actually put my iPod on Shuffle, but rather at the letter “C”. A lot of Christmas songs start with the letter “C”, in case you didn’t know. 

I don’t think it’s an ideal system.

The bigger question is why I hadn’t taken the Christmas music off my iPod since it was, you know, almost August. 
This alone can give anybody a case of discouraged.
A wise person once said that if you keep going where you’re going, you’re going to end up where you’re headed. And if you keep moving ahead, you’ll find yourself in a different place.  
Yes. yes. He hath done yeoman’s service, and proved himself staunch and faithful.
 
   There is an art to getting lost, to being imperfect, to being disorganized and for being just plain wrong.  Although I wouldn’t know much about that. Except for the “lost” part. 
Take this morning for instance.  I’ve never driven into Grand Falls before. It’s early enough. I’m starving. I’m un-caffeinated. I’m looking for a coffee shop. I head into the historic district, the business distinct, the tree district – nothing. Nada.  So I Google coffee shops. I come up with one called “Electric City”. Google says, “it’s the best coffeeshop in Grand Falls.” I have driven more than 3000 kms. so far and Google has not failed me. But this morning it won’t load.

I don’t know. Tired. Overused. No caffeine?

So not taking Google for an answer, I keep driving – slowly – when out of the corner of my eye, I catch the word “coffee” painted on a window front. I pull up, plug 2 quarters in the meter for an hour.

I get out of the car and walk in. I’m at “Electric Coffee”.

How do I do these things? Especially when I can hardly find my way out of an elevator.
   While I was waiting for my coffee, I picked up a copy “What’s Up Yukon” and read an article all about the 95th anniversary of Urban Gold Miner that was maybe the most informative piece of journalism I’ve read in a long time.
 

“Most people do not see things as they are because they see things as they are!”                                                                                                  – Fr. Richard Rohr
Every viewpoint is a view from a point, and we need to critique our own perspective if we are to see and follow the truth all the way through.
 
We conduct our life as everyone does, by guessing at the future. When your time comes you want to be sure that you’re not leaving anything on the table, that there aren’t experiences left un-experienced.   
As for me, strains in my development has led me into some pretty strange territory.
 
 
Filed Under: Blog

Why is the world so beautiful?

June 11, 2017 by
Come with me into the field…to the bright chrome yellow of goldenrod and the deep purple of the aster – together radiant in alpine meadows. 
 
Why do asters and goldenrod grow and look so beautiful together?  
It turns out that not only is this pairing a matter of aesthetics, but also because of ecology. Purple and gold are complementary colours and opposites on the colour wheel, and because they are so vivid together, they grow together in order to attract more pollinators.
 
Beauty has a purpose. Beauty is our opportunity to relish life. How often do you stop to appreciate beauty?
 
Attention, says Mary Oliver, is the rarest form of generousity. If we are at all paying attention to the living world, we cannot help falling in love with it over and over again.
(Although I keep thinking about Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias saying,“There is no such thing as natural beauty.”)    
There is also beauty in imperfection; of things that show their age and use.     Scratches, chips, cracks.      Bowls. Chairs. Us.
       Reciprocity broadens the notion of what it is to be human, not just a consumer. Now, and more than ever, this is what we need to attend to.

The kind of deep attention that we pay as children is something that I cherish, that I think we all can cherish and reclaim — because attention is the doorway to gratitude, the doorway to wonder, the doorway to reciprocity. It worries me greatly that today’s children can recognize 100 corporate logos and fewer than ten plants. It means they’re not paying attention.     –  Dr. Robin Walls Kinnere
Reciprocity is different than sustainability.We can no longer think regarding this planet that we live on only in terms of sustainability. We can no longer think we have ownership over what we call resources, continuing to take and consume without returning anything back.     We need to recognize that we humans have gifts that we can give in return for all that has been given to us. It is a way to exhibit our humanity.      It is such joy, and our ultimate responsibility to have this mutual flourishing, instead of being satisfied with the narrow definition of sustainability. 
 
Pathological consumption has become so normalized that we scarcely notice it.   – George Monbiot 
We continue to trash our living world through pointless consumption and commodification. While researching her film, The Story of Stuff, Annie Leonard discovered that of the materials flowing through the consumer economy, only 1% of it remains in use six months after purchasing. Even goods expected to be held onto are condemned to destruction through either planned obsolescence (breaking quickly) or perceived obsolescence (becoming unfashionable). http://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-stuff/          So much now is comparatively inexpensive and easily accessible, that we almost condemn anything that is a bit worn. We see something that we want and instantly put it on our credit card, go in debt for it, dissing the idea of living without it. Instead of purchasing a sofa that should last decades, we buy one at a big box store, where not only are the materials substandard, but it is often uncomfortable, poorly designed, soon to be replaced and sent to the landfill.Instead of purchasing quality bedding and towels, we buy the cheapest of materials, piling the multitudes in our closet. Instead of buying art from a local artist, we purchase cheaply framed posters. Instead of growing our own flowers and plants, we buy plastic or silk. Instead of using our special things everyday, we save them for special occasions, without realizing that being alive is a special occasion.
 
So many of us spend the first two-thirds of our lives accumulating stuff, only to spend the last one-third of our life trying to get rid of it.
 
  So just how many towels per bathroom, bedsheets per bedroom, bathrobes, slippers, sets of dishes and placemats…does one need to successfully run a household?

For the most part, the answer is two.  And two corkscrews. In case one ever breaks.
Once appreciating beauty and it’s nurturing abundance, we have a deep responsibility to share this with others and to treat it with reverence and reciprocity.Vanity is the bane of us humans. Humility is the prize.
 It’s what’s on the inside that counts.
 
We don’t know when and how we are leaving the greatest marks on the world. It all matters.
 
 
Everything belongs.
What I guessed when I loafed on the grass,
What I guessed while I lay alone in my bed…
and again as I walked the beach under the
paling stars of the morning.
(p.59) Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass
 
Filed Under: Blog

Stay in your Lane

March 27, 2017 by

The meme, “Stay in your lane”, started with a controversial post by Luis Rosias, which basically meant, “You are beneath me, and I would prefer that you do not trouble me with your inferior life and petty problems, thank you very kindly.”

In other words, don’t challenge people who are better than you – you are wasting their time.

Ever the contrarian, I prefer to think of the meme this way.

Do what you do best. Play to your particular skills and experience.

Slow down. There is no immediate need to pass that particular person at that particular time.

Unless of course, someone in your car is having a baby or you are out of red liquorice twists.

But the high value put upon every minute of time, the idea of hurry-hurry as the most important objective of living, is unquestionably the most dangerous enemy – Hermann Hesse

1. Pick a lane

These days we seem to be living by the motto, “As much as possible, as fast as possible.” We seek to be entertained, rather than entertain ourselves – or others. We then wonder why we continually feel dissatisfied, are left yearning, feeling less and less joy. Know that if you are not content, there is nothing to buy this weekend that can change that.

We are barraged (and addicted) to social media that is constantly imparting the message that everyone is living an exceptionally exciting life, while ours is downright mediocre at best.

Knowing this not to be entirely true, (Yes, your best friend is now just jetting off to stay in a butler-attended overwater bungalow in the Maldives), is alone significant and consoling.

According to Eric Schmidt of Google, every two days the human race creates as much information as we did from the dawn of civilization until 2003. That’s about five exobytes of data a day for those of you keeping score.

One reason that you may now be feeling a disquieting desire to move to a remote village in Latvia may be that questionable paint colour on your bedroom wall.

Or the fact that you can’t confidently entertain in your living room.

Or relax with a good book in a superb chair.

Or have run out of names for all your dust bunnies.

2. Get help if you’re lost

I think what overwhelms most people is that it’s hard to pick a lane to get started in. Is it your overstuffed and unorganized closets, your old living room furniture, no space to do crafts, or the lack of storage in your home office? Or have realized that your living space is not a storage space, and that 25 pairs of jeans is 20 pairs too many.

So get help. The best quality help you can find. They can help you drive in your desired lane, as well as avoid wrong turns, dead ends, fines, and potholes. Your home should be a place where you can live the life you want.

3. Research the roadway

It’s kinda like a dry run before you have to show up to give your first Toastmasters speech. This means thinking about how you want to live and feel in your home, what you want to do in your home, and how to accomplish it. You don’t need your home to be camera ready for Architectural Digest, have it look like a luxury hotel room, or decorate it for the gala event of the century. 

Some people decorate for resale. Others try to reproduce what they saw on HGTV, their neighbours home, or reproduce the look they saw on the showroom floor. Design success comes down to being confident in your choices.

4. Pick an estimated time of arrival

This will help ensure you don’t get disillusioned because your plan is taking too long to yield results. If you’ve done your research/budget, you now have good information about how long it might take to get where you’re going. Make your plans to match something reasonable and rhythmic. Commit to your plan and stick with it for the duration or until you’ve reach your destination

5. Enjoy the ride

Don’t be distracted by other crazy drivers that seem to be outstripping you on the roadway. They all too often get caught in a traffic jam or get in an accident by rushing. Besides, you might be right behind the car that when it turns off, you’ll go miles ahead in your journey, faster than you imagined.

Filed Under: Blog

Living “Danish-ly”

March 6, 2017 by

Today is either going to be a high or a low depending on your current outlook and station in life.

I realize we are living in times that are fraught with controversy and I certainly don’t mean to cause anymore strife amongst us, but sometimes you just have to go out on a limb and talk about what really matters.

And, today, that is the return of sweatpants.

Now what in the name of heaven, you ask, do sweatpants have to do with staging a home?

Not to be accused of trying to rescue sweatpants from sartorial disrepute, it is merely a launching point for how a home should feel when buyers enter it.

But at the same time, sweatpants will never be chic.

Just listen to the name. SWEAT-pants. They are designed to sweat in. Not cool. They are casual and sloppy, baggy at the knees, fraying and dragging at the heels.

A little like we feel by Friday afternoon.

Many of the homes I go in to stage look and feel like droopy sweatpants, instead of comfortable and cozy.

The furniture is leaning around the edges of the room like wallflowers, little pieces of art are hung haphazardly on the wall, and closets are cluttered with, you guessed it, too many pairs of sweatpants.

One of the most important thing in staging a home for sale is setting out scenes of comfort.

The Danes know a thing or two about this, and it starts with one small word, HYGGE: roughly translated to ‘cosiness’. For the Danes, it’s all about creating an ambient atmosphere and enjoying the good things of life: some material, some more important. It’s the feeling of hands cupping a warm mug of tea; sheepskin rugs thrown over chairs; glowing candles and lamps; conversation around the fireplace and cinnamon buns fresh out of the oven.

So how can you create hygge in your listings?

“Hygge” Ideas:
fluffy towels hanging in the bathroom
a thick down duvet on the bed with a cashmere blanket folded at the end
candles on the fireplace mantle
a stack of books on the night table
a tray of gourmet hot chocolates, coffees or teas, and sweet cardamon jam set on the kitchen counter
a bowl of popcorn in the family room
soft music playing in the background
a floor lamp beside a comfy reading chair draped with a nubby throw
fresh flowers on the dresser
a pair of sheepskin slippers set by the bed

Could all of this be any more hygge?

Filed Under: Blog

To Victoria, with Love

February 22, 2017 by

It was a day of mismanaged expectations and mysterious chocolates.

In other words, if you ever see me at Bernard Callebaut and I’m about to put five packages of ganache cream chocolates in my cart, please stage an intervention right there in the aisle. Thank you in advance.

I was there to style, source materials, and all be an all around design genius for my client’s newly purchased condo. Looking like forty miles of rough road, in that I had to be up at 5 am to catch the first bird out, I was greeted graciously and soon whisked away for nourishment.

Victoria is a city of gourmand and visual delights set against a background of sea and sky, peppered with shops to engross the most skeptical and reticent shoppers.

Sprigs of new growth shoot up intermittently through damp soil, paired with tentative, brave blooms, the rest waiting, timorous of another hit of snow.

The textures and nuances of green overwhelms! Mosses, evergreens, foliage. They revive, restore and renew – nature’s neutrals.

 

Any Canadian who drops in at this time of the year elegiacally resists perusing the real estate section of the local paper.

Given I had a multitude of days to complete my assignment, we decided that our sole purpose that day would be to purchase a few scant provisions to augment upcoming meals.

But true to form, we soon got on a tangential course sidetracked by the usual.

…a clothing store filled with a cornucopia of jackets and shoes. (Yo’all know how I feel about shoes.) Yup, bought a pair…and a pair of vintage gold earrings and almost a jacket.

Next door a bookstore, which took another hour, and then…how is it possible to walk by the storybook wonder of Murchie’s Tea without buying a package and imbibing in a piece of passion fruit chocolate cake?

We then came to the most fabulous Goodwill store in the world and fell in love with two chairs that were aching for a bold upholstery fabric. We hauled them down the street to an upholstery shop and pursued books of fabric samples until we found the perfect one. They’ll be ready in four weeks.

And the masses and abundance of fresh flowers! Between you and me, I think there should be a law against plastic flowers in Victoria. It’s scandalous.

We then purchased tickets for a play for that night, took photos of totem poles, slipped into a delightful coffee shop to sip a cappuccino and share an almond croissant, unearthed an antique train set for a son-in-law, and finally an art gallery where we settled on a small oil and a felted rooster for the fireplace mantle.

We were back home when we remembered that we forgot to buy the food.

So I called my five days in Victoria, The Art of Carefree Timelessness (time spent together without an agenda). Any relationship thrives when this is done on a regular basis. Nothing is to be gained by hurrying, the sure mark of an amateur. And most everything is to be gained by its converse.

There are so many trying to get somewhere, to get something done. They have longer to-do lists that time for the people that mean the most to them. And the time passes, the day never to come again.

The Danes know a thing or two about living life well and it starts with one small word: hygge, which roughly translates to ‘cosiness’. It just might be the recipe for a better lived life. 

Hygge is more than just a decorating philosophy, it is about creating an ambient atmosphere and enjoying the good things of life; some material, some more important. It is a philosophy for the Danes that enables them to also understand the importance of simplicity. It’s prioritizing their lives with time to unwind and slow down with good people, camaraderie, and general well-being.

Filed Under: Blog

Galentines’ Day

February 9, 2017 by

 

For those who are not yet aware of this most speculator day…

this is a day where we celebrate with our BFFs, giving each other compliments and talking about our accomplishments and shoes.

You always have to talk about shoes.

Preferably in song.

 

It’s bloody briillant. A truly beautiful occasion.

Way better than Valentines’ Day.

Better than wondering how many times is too many to watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, why our parents thought white Wonder bread slathered in Miracle Whip was a good idea, or listening to your favourite boy bands on repeat.

I think it should be mandatory. A national holiday. A flag designed.

Romantic partners come and go, but girlfriends outstay all of them. Girlfriends are our support system, a bond untainted by sex and wilted roses bought in a rush.

You know…

 

…uteruses before duderuses. Fries before guys. Holy mantras for this day.

Although Ryan Gosling is really nice to look at.

Galentines’ Day is “…like Lilith Fair, minus the angst.”
– Leslie Knope, the patron saint of everything lady-powered

Galentines’ Day is not only for those without romantic attachments, but for all gals.

Girl-ships are EVERYTHING. Our women friends are our life blood, our support. They don’t care how weird you look in hats, and never ever take the wine glass away.

After all, no good story started with someone eating a salad. 

Fifty Shades Darker

In honour of this day, I like to pay ode to libertines, my favourite brand of ladies.

So, who are libertines?

Libertines live according to their own rules with complete abandonment, but ever with great style.

Some of my favourite libertines:
Jane Digby
Elizabeth Smart
Sarah Bernhardt
George Sand
Isak Dinesen
Beryl Markham
Victoria Woodhill
Josephine Baker
Isadora Duncan
Ninon de Lenclos

Because they:
 – never give up a room with a view
– are often called a gutsy broad
– are invited everywhere but rarely go out, which always makes their presence an event
– have a body/mind/spirit approach to nutrition, which consists of red seedless grapes, chocolate truffles, and champagne
– give great gifts
– consider not being told she looks beautiful, the real sexual harassment
– worry that they aren’t whispering behind her back

Good galfriends, at least your very best ones, express some interest in you. They really don’t need much to go on. In fact, almost anything will do.

I feel that this is now an opportune time to thank you for letting me do things which I should never have done, drink wines I did not like, and enduring some of my more deplorable faults, of which I have narrowed down to the top five. Okay, six.

Number One: I think very highly of my own opinion.

Number Two: I require an amount of devotional attention that would make Marie Antionette blush, while wondering why there are so many yellow Skittles compared to the other flavours in a pack.

Number Three: I routinely take on more than I can handle which causes me to break down in quite predictable displays of dramatic overtures.

Number Four: I am at various times, unbelievably tedious. Of which I whole-heartedly apologize for. Even though I can’t remember which times those were.

Number Five: I have been, maybe still am, a master arcturologist. I’ll let you look that up. Although I don’t think it’s a real word.

Number Six: And the most deplorable of all? It takes me a long while to get to this point…I rest in the paradoxical position of feeling nostalgia for a situation, which in fact, has not yet happened.
(This isn’t going exactly the way I acted it out in the shower.)

So, today, and everyday, is OUR day. Cause as Truvy said in Steel Magnolias, “Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marching across your face.”

Have a happy, happy Galentines’ Day with any or all of your irreplaceable galentines.

 

Filed Under: Blog

8 Reasons Your Home May Not Be Working

January 29, 2017 by

Living beautifully in a home is like dropped stitches in a sweater. The piece starts out with a distinct pattern to follow, but then something goes amiss. The yarn gets twisted, a knot forms, an extra stitch is knit, or a different stitch is inadvertently made. But this is what can make the sweater all the more complex and interesting. Or just a plain mess.

But like a sweater altered with intention, a beautiful home also can be made when the pattern is altered to suit how you want to live everyday and how you want your home to look.

When you walk into a well-designed home you just know is it good. Like a good story. You just know the story is good without necessarily knowing why it is good.

There is always one common denominator in a good story. It’s when the change happens; the wild storm at sea, the invasion of an army, the near fatal car crash. These are the dropped stitches, when things get interesting…when the story truly begins.

An interesting home, like an interesting story is unique, nuanced. And it needs to be true for you.

Just like characters in a good story are not clichés, nor should your home be a cliche.

A home should be engaging and impressive, but at its core, familiar and safe.

It may be that the home suggests sunny, lazy afternoons spent without having to leave the room…the comfort of warm winter evenings snuggled in a deep-cushioned sofa…the inspirational reading hours sunk in an armchair next to the fireplace…the dinner party camaraderie of conversation and shared meals.

Now that last image comes directly from the reign of Queen Victoria. But this would mean that I actually attend dinner parties, but I can’t really remember the last time that happened. Most social events I attend involve some sort of sporting event with stale bags of Cheetos and a paper cups of cold coffee, and I am rarely (never) asked about my knowledge of nineteenth century British royalty or art, which frankly is a shame.

Most people do not see things as they are because they see things as they are! – Fr. Richard Rohr

Nevertheless, the truest lesson I know about designing a beautiful home – and life – is that we must move in the direction of our true calling, not anyone else’s.

Truth or dare.

Our story is just that. Our story, not anyone else’s, as is your home. If you don’t tell your stories as they are meant to be told, you are somehow diminished, living with your eyes wide shut. If you are open and honest and true, others will benefit, yes. But so will you.

We need our home to remember who we are. Or who we were. Or even who we want to be.

The oil painting of dry rock fences from the island of Inishmore, the Persian carpet purchased after years of waiting, the vase that was a wedding gift from your childhood friend, the burled walnut sideboard inherited from an aunt, the platter that your Grandfather brought over from his homeland, or the chair from your first apartment.

This collection can only belong to one person: you.

We now ask of our home: what needs to be corrected? And why now?

All things communicate.

We need to rely on a certain kinds of chairs, dinnerware, and bed coverings to straighten and secure us with who we are and who we want to be. Home is the place where our soul feels that it has found its proper physical container, where, everyday, the objects we live amongst remind us of what we hold most dear. The smallest things in our homes can offer encouragement, they can be reminders, consoling thoughts, warnings or correctives, as we go about time in them.

Thomas Moore maintains that if you don’t love things in particular, you cannot love the world, because the world exists in individual things. Without a connection to things, we can become bereft, separated from the world, maybe even dismissing the value of people and home.

Like the mission statement of Calgary company, HouseCharming: every home should be a haven that creating feelings of delight and happiness, thus inspiring one to contribute to a higher quality of lifestyle and thus, community.

As much as we try to replicate the feelings we’ve had in homes we visited and loved, usually there is often something in our home that is disingenuous – just a bit off.

Interior designers make it their business to study these details that make each room work well and look beautiful.

Elegiac Inculcations Why A Room May Not Be Working

Well, I can’t really prove it, but generally these problems don’t just arise unless the Rapture happened and it believed in Jesus.

But I know what’s going to happen here.

It’s going to lead to a litany of questions. “Is a bench seat better than two cushions?”, “What colour leather should I buy for a sofa?”, “Is burgundy trendy?”, “Should I buy everything from the same store?”, “Are matching chairs passé?”, “Where should we put the new baby?” And so on.

1. Selecting the Wrong Sofa

As far as I’m concerned, there really are two important decisions in a person’s life: choosing a mate and buying a sofa. If that seems like an overstatement, you just haven’t found the right mate.
This can give anybody a case of discouraged

2. Falling Into the Showroom Look

The two worst qualities imaginable in a writer is being lazy and being a perfectionist. As so with designing a room, these also are the essential ingredients for torpor and misery. If you want to have beautiful home and live a contented, creative life, you do not want to cultivate either one of those traits. 

Instead you need to learn how to become a deeply disciplined 80/20 person.

There is nothing worse than walking into a house that looks like it just backed up to an IKEA store. And if I never see another LACK wall shelf again, then I will consider my life a triumph.

Steer clear of trends and stay on the side of timeless and classic. A mistake many make is being taken in with trends. People go to an home show and see a countertop that changes colour when they touch it. Or see brightly coloured kitchen cabinetry. Yes, it is new and exciting, but will it stand the test of time?

The secret is in sticking to a high/low mix and blending the expensive with the budget-friendly, if you can’t afford all high.

3. Poorly Arranged Furniture

Think of your furniture in your room like friends at a party. Some people are animated in intimate clusters and some are alone – strained and stationed against involvement. These are the wallflowers, and wallflowers don’t tend to have much fun. They just sit quietly on the couch making everyone feel awkward for having a good time.

4. Buying an incorrectly sized rug

In a more formal room, an area rug can fill the space, leaving 12 inches of bare floor around the edges of the room. If you do not want such a large rug, you can ground the furniture by having the front legs of the sofa and accent chairs sit on the rug. Or alternatively, have two inches of floor exposed in front of the seating units.

5. Hanging Art Incorrectly

The last thing you’d want is to undermine any art’s beauty is by hanging it poorly. That being said, the right piece can exponentially elevate a lackluster room. Beauty (and art) is in the eye of the beholder, so don’t worry about pleasing anyone but yourself.

Collecting art is a personal journey, whether you’re making purchases on a piece-by-piece basis or cultivate a long-term collection. The key is to select pieces that resonate with you so that your collection begins to reflect who you are. You may find that the process of collecting art is less intimidating than you may have assumed.

6. Improper Lighting

You cannot ignore the principles of scale when it comes to choosing ceiling and table top lighting. Choose lighting proportionately to the size of the room, the height of the ceiling, the table it is on, the table underneath it.etc. Beyond regular overhead lighting (which should always be on a dimmer), what other places need mood, task or accent lighting.

Is your reading nook dark and gloomy? Do you have adequate bedside lighting? Is your staircase poorly illuminated?

Think of adding lighting at eye level in all rooms with table lamps and sconces to cast a more flattering light, and disperse your light sources around the room — ideally in a triangular shape in each room.

7. Not Mixing Periods and Styles

Work with what you already have as much as possible. Take stock of what you have and see if you can work with something you already own. If you can’t, then you wait until you can actually do it correctly. 

In the immortal words of Mark Twain, “Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.” What this means, other than procuring a good whiskey, is that too much of one thing is never a good idea.

It may be best said to follow the one or two of the 2 Cardinal Rules of Design: Less is more and contrast is far more interesting.

8. Insufficient editing

Or as I like to say, punctuation-ally challenged.

How do you decide what souvenirs and tokens of your life to keep and what to give away?

Think of it like having relatives come to stay. You love them, you’re thrilled they are going to be with you for a while, but you’re relieved when they leave. It’s just as important to continue defining who you are as to continue eliminating who you are not.

Filed Under: Blog

Resolutions, refinements and rediscoveries

December 29, 2016 by

 

I look as Janus, the two-faced Roman God, at the same time to the past, as to the future. Eyes on the horizon, I look back.

Now that the trauma of decorating your Christmas tree is over, as “tree with lights”, some using a method I call, “Keep wrapping the tree in lights in a haphazard manner until you can see it from outer space and they look kind of even” (Trademark pending), the time draws closer to tenuously brave our next challenge, The New Year’s Resolution.

The new year wasn’t always celebrated in January, as the ancient Roman calendar followed the lunar calendar. Sosigenes, an astronomer, convinced Julius Caesar to follow the solar year. Thus from 46 B.C. on, the new year begins in January.

Starting the new year in January was also done to honour Janus, for whom the month was named. The tradition of the New Year’s Resolution dates back to 153 B.C.with the Romans honouring Janus, the two-headed deity who had the ability to look forward and backward at the same time. This then became the symbolic time for the Roman to make resolutions for the New Year, as well as forgive their enemies for past transgressions.

He also presided over the beginning and ending of conflict; hence war and peace. The doors of his temple were open in time of war, and closed in times of peace. Thus he was the guardian of beginnings and endings, gates and doors.

It might have been him, in his eternal wisdom, that coined the saying, “Where one door opens, another one closes.”

Or is it the other way around?

The kinds of resolutions we make can tell a lot about us. Some may be lofty, like learning to fix your leaky faucet or reading all seven parts of Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past.

Some may be easily enough achieved, like cutting down on extramarital affairs.

And some are like hammering the ‘close door’ button in an elevator when you see your arch-enemy approaching. There just is no point. It won’t close any faster by continually punching it. It only gives you the illusion of control and stops you from remembering that you’re in a metal box dangling from a wire 57 feet in the air.

However arduous it might be, it is a good idea to be honest with oneself.

It is of note that most people have a lamentable track record on keeping their resolutions. Like what Samuel Johnson said of second marriages, they represent “the triumph of hope over experience.”

Maybe then, we should keep it simple, like a resolution to be kinder to others (and ourselves), or something slightly nice, such as opening doors for people.

Which opens the door to continue this lucubration, on doors. 

We have a multitude of doors in our lives: front doors, back doors, side doors, cupboard doors, cabinet doors, basement doors, cat doors, shower doors, pantry doors, sticky doors, distressed doors, crooked doors, battered doors, worn doors, damaged doors, closed doors, locked doors…and closet doors. Behind which are clothes and a surfeit of various and sundry – often overflowing and unorganized.

So in true New Year’s fashion, I surmise that right after your resolution to eat more vegetables this year, you have vowed to get those closets organized, once and for all.

Yes. Yes. You gaze in the bathroom mirror and ask: Why in my brief existence on this planet, does that closet have to be mine?

So in my vow to be kinder and open more doors, (including your closet doors, should you thus choose), I offer this.

What is the fashion crowd’s favourite hanger?

I love the simple black velvet hanger. I practically revolt if I spot a plastic or (gasp) wire one. And don’t even talk to me about the ones crocheted in pink and green Phentex. You know the ones.

This thinner hanger is not only more glamourous, but you can fit more clothes in your closet.

You can use another type of hanger, like a wooden one if you have room, but remember to only use one hanger style in each closet. Exception – suit jackets. See below.

Be sure to buy all the hangers from the same manufacturer, as at first glance they may look the same, but they could be slightly different, hanging at a different level.

Do I have any other “go-to” hangers?

Wooden hangers are recommended for suit jackets and tiered hangers for skirts and pants. Tiered hangers are an especially efficient choice if you are short on space.

Where do I stand on organizing clothes?

Usually in the middle of the closet.
All you need to do is Keep It Simple, just like authors William Strunk and E.B. White wrote in your high school English text, Elements of Style.

“A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reasons that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts, This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subject only in outline, but that every word tell.”

Arrange clothes in colour blocks from dark to light.
Keep similar items together: suits, shirts, pants, skirts, long garments
If you prefer and/or have enough space, you may choose to separate long sleeve garments from short sleeve garments, or hang sports clothes, evening clothes, etc, in their own section

Filed Under: Blog
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